A DUDE….WHAT?
By Tooki
Beta read by Tonya
Hutch smiled at Starsky as he stood up and pushed his chair under the desk. “We are officially on vacation!”
Starsky looked sideways at his partner, “Uh huh.” Starsky wasn’t happy he had lost a bet and Hutch got to pick their annual vacation.
Hutch handed Starsky a brochure, there was a man dressed like a cowboy riding a horse. The words Sylvan Dale Dude Ranch were emblazoned across the top of the brochure. “What the hell is a dude ranch?” Starsky growled.
“Oh come on Starsk, you have never heard of a dude ranch?” Hutch took the brochure and opened it up.
Starsky glanced at the array of color photos, “Horses? Cows? Fishing? Come on Hutch, I grew up in the city. The closest I got to a horse was on the carousel in Central Park when I was five.” Starsky flipped the edge of the paper. “And isn’t that in the woods?”
Hutch sighed and said, “It’s a ranch. Fields, mountains, nice cabins, even has a pool.”
Starsky paled at the mention of a cabin, “A cabin, really? Haven’t we had enough cabins in our lives, and when have you ever seen me in a pool unless I was pushed.”
“Oh stop being such a killjoy it will be fun.” Hutch folded up the brochure and tucked it in his pocket. “And don’t forget, I won the bet.”
Scrunching up his nose, Starsky asked, “Where is this dude…ranch?”
“Colorado.” Hutch turned his back on his partner and started toward the door knowing things were only going to get worse.
“Colorado? Isn’t it cold there?”
“It’s summer Starsk; there is only snow way up in the mountains.” Hutch shook his head.
“How long does it take to get there, a couple days?” Starsky huffed.
“About 17 hours.”
“In other words, two days. Two days there, two days back doesn’t leave much time…to ride horses, or whatever you have in mind.”
“We could fly into Denver and go from there if you want.” Hutch offered.
“Fly..no thanks.” Starsky brushed past Hutch mumbling something about pizza and TV.
“Did you know you have a lot of phobias my friend?”
The rental car’s floor board was littered with candy wrappers, empty chip bags and a few fast food sacks, Starsky had his feet up on the dashboard and Hutch was humming to himself as they had only two hours left of their journey.
“Come on, admit it Starsky, this is relaxing and the scenery is beautiful.” Hutch said as he rolled down the window and took a deep breath.
“Sure,” Starsky said as he glanced out the window.
“Oh snap out of it,” Hutch growled, then he smiled, “I have us scheduled for an overnight trip. I thought I would let you get used to your horse first.”
“My horse, I have a horse?” Starsky looked startled. “I’m going to have to ride a horse?”
“What did you think we were going to do while we were there?” Hutch asked. “Did you get a hat and boots?”
“Oh, you weren’t kidding?”
“Well you can’t ride a horse in tennis shoes.” Hutch said, “And you know that old saying when in Rome….”
“Please don’t finish that thought; I’ll get boots when we get there, but no hat.” Starsky said resigned to his fate.
Starsky turned checking out his new cowboy boots in the full length mirror, “Not bad.” Hutch was looking through a rack of western shirts, picking out a few to try on. Starsky grabbed a worn looking cowboy hat, “What do you think?”
“I think that is mine,” said a voice behind him.
Starsky turned to see an attractive young woman dressed in blue jeans a red plaid shirt tied at her waist and dirty boots. She held out her hand for her hat. “S-sorry.” Starsky stammered.
The pretty brunet smiled as she took her hat and jammed it on her head, “Can I give you a hand?” she asked eyeing Starsky’s jeans down inside his boots. He nodded and she bent over pulled his jeans out of his boots. “Much better, spending a week at Sylvan Dale?”
“How did you know?” Starsky asked. Hutch walked up with two shirts he had just tried.
She eyed the blond, “It wasn’t a huge leap.”
“Good afternoon ma’am,” Hutch said in his best drawl tipping his hat.
“Don’t bother,” Starsky grinned at her, “She has our number.”
“Maybe I’ll see you there.” She said as she started to walk away.
“Are you spending the week too?” Starsky asked hopefully.
She turned and smiled at them, “I’m a wrangler, name is Tonya.” They watched as the young woman left the store and got in a pickup truck with Sylvan Dale splashed on the side.
“Here,” Hutch handed Starsky a hat, “I guess you will need one now.”
As they headed to the cashier to purchase their new duds, Starsky ask in a whisper, “What is a wrangler?”
They entered the main lodge to check in and get their cabin assignment, Starsky stared at the beautiful building made of logs, nearly walking into the back of Hutch, “Will you stop acting like such a green horn?”
“Like you’re not?” Starsky said still in awe.
“Well I’m not standing around like an idiot with my mouth hanging open,” Hutch teased.
There were many cabins sprinkled around the main lodge, the two detectives walked down a path a short distance away. They climbed the steps to the porch and looked around. “Okay I’ll admit it, this is beautiful.” Starsky admitted.
“Hey Boots,” A female voice called, “You all are just in time for the fish fry.”
Starsky waved at Tonya, she was still dressed the same as when they had seen her earlier. “We made it.”
“So I see,” She flashed them a bright smile. Tonya stood on the bottom step looking up at them. “So how about that dinner?”
Hutch glanced at his watch, “It’s a little early isn’t it?”
Tonya laughed, “You have to catch your own fish. The cook will take over and you will have a nice fish dinner.”
“Sounds like fun.” Starsky said bounding down the wooden steps making a motion with his arms like he was fishing.
“I’ll take our bags in the cabin,” Hutch said in a sarcastic tone has he rolled his eyes, he knew for a fact Starsky didn’t know how to fish.
“Thanks pal!” Starsky said not taking his eyes off the pretty wrangler.
“Well, if we are going to dinner together I think I should at least know your name,” Tonya waited for Starsky to join her on the path.
“David Starsky, but you can just call me Starsky.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “That is my partner Ken Hutchinson.”
“Hutch if you don’t mind,” The blond had stowed their bags in the cabin and was coming toward them.
“Partner?” Tonya asked.
“We are police detectives from California.” Starsky explained.
“Ah, then you should be quick on the draw,” Tonya joked.
They followed the young woman down another path that opened up into a big area full of picnic tables. A rustic outdoor kitchen was bustling as the staff prepared dishes to go with the guests caught fish. They were close to the Big Thompson River and fishing poles were waiting for their next catch “Let’s get started.” Tonya said grabbing two poles, she handed each detective one then grabbed one for herself.
“Careful, the rocks can be slippery,” Tonya slipped a worm on the hook at the end of her pole and tossed it in the slow running water. Starsky looked down in the bucket where she had plucked a worm from. He looked over at Hutch who was threading a worn in his hook. Starsky gingerly reached into the bucket and grabbed a worm; it began wiggling trying to get away. He tried to get the worm on the hook without much success.
Starsky was concentrating hard on getting the worm on the hook, he didn’t realize he was close the edge of the river, he finally got the worm on the hook, “I did it,” he called out in glee as he stepped backward catching the heel of his new boots on a rock and he went down sending a shower of water spraying all over Hutch and Tonya. Starsky looked up sheepishly at them, “At least the worm is on the hook.” Hutch shook his head and helped his dripping partner out of the river.
By the time Starsky got back to the picnic area, the fish that Tonya had caught were cleaned, cooked, and sitting along with corn on the cob, baked beans and cornbread on a tin plate. He sat down and looked at the fish lying on his plate, the head and eyes intact stared at him. Starsky looked over at Hutch who was digging into his meal, Starsky poked at the fish. “What’s wrong?” Tonya asked.
“Nothing,” Starsky said taking a fork full of fish being careful to stay away from the head and tail.
“He is used to fish that comes breaded out of a box.” Hutch teased. Starsky shot him a dirty look.
Tonya only laughed, “I think you will like this much better.” Starsky gave her a doubtful look as he put the fish in his mouth; he chewed for a moment then pulled out a thin white bone. “Oh yeah, and watch out for the bones.”
“Bones?” Starsky said as he pushed the plate of food away.
It was barely dark and Hutch had suggested that they go back to the cabin since they had to be up before dawn for the breakfast ride.
“Breakfast ride?” Starsky asked.
“Yeah, we get to eat out of a chuck wagon.” Hutch said excitedly.
“I hope it doesn’t involve fish, or we don’t have to kill our breakfast.” He sunk down into the soft feather bed. “Awwww this is living.” It seemed like Starsky had just closed his eyes when Hutch was shaking him awake. Starsky sat up, “W-what’s the matter?”
“Nothing it’s time for the breakfast ride,” Hutch already had on one of his new western shirts and his boots.
“But we just went to bed,” Starsky complained as he looked out the window into the darkness. “It’s not even light yet.”
“It will be by the time we get to the barn,” Hutch said tossing his partner his jeans.
“Barn? I thought you said we were eating at a chuck wagon.” Starsky groaned as he began putting on his clothes, his boots were still a bit damp.
“Yeah, to get saddled up.” Hutch explained.
“We have to ride a horse to breakfast?” Starsky ask hoping to put off getting on a horse as long as possible.
“That is why it’s called a breakfast ride.” Hutch laughed.
When they reached the barn, wranglers were matching horses with guess and showing them how to saddle up their horses, Starsky looked around for Tonya but didn’t see her, disappointed he approached another wrangler, “Do you think you can find me a slow horse?”
The wrangler whose name turned out to be Dale smiled at the curly headed detective, “Sure thing.” He led Starsky down the row of stalls until he stopped in front of a pretty mare, “This is Buttercup.”
“Hi ya, Buttercup,” Starsky rubbed the horse on the nose.
The wrangler opened the stall door and led the horse outside. Hutch was already mounted on his horse waiting for his partner. Dale showed Starsky how to saddle Buttercup, and then got him up in the saddle. “Hey, I like this,” Starsky grinned at Hutch.
“I told you this would be a fun vacation.” Hutch said.
Hutch and Starsky, along with the other guest going on the ride, followed along behind the lead wrangler. After about an hour ride they came to a clearing where a large chuck wagon sat where several camp fires were burning, a large black kettle hung over one of the fires brewing coffee.
As they dismounted they were offered a tin cup full of coffee and there were skillets of biscuits and scrambled eggs cooked on the open flames and another kettle full of gravy. After everyone had their fill they got back on their horses and went back to the ranch.
The days flew by quickly; they were filled with horseback riding, meals at the dining hall, dips in the pool and campfires at night and even participation in a rodeo for the guests. “Well buddy, you think you are ready for the overnight pack trip?” Hutch asked Starsky, it was almost time for them to head back to Bay City.
Starsky gave him a nervous look; he wasn’t sure about going up in the mountains on horseback and spending the night. “I guess,” he said reluctantly. There was a rap on the door, Starsky who was closest opened it to find Tonya standing there dressed in a long sleeved shirt with a canvas duster, blue jeans and of course her boots.
“You boys ready to go?” She smiled, “You better grab a jacket, it can get chilly up in the mountains at night.”
Starsky perked up when he realized that Tonya would be going on the trip.
They were in a group of about twenty five with four wranglers. Dale, the head wrangler, rode in front leading the way. Hutch noticed the rifle strapped to the man’s saddle. “We have had a mountain lion prowling around lately, even jumped on the back of Dale’s horse as he was riding under a tree last month.” Tonya told them “A mountain lion?” Starsky said.
“Yeah, you know a big cat?” Hutch said in a sarcastic tone.
“I know what a mountain lion is, I just didn’t think about running into one.” Starsky looked up into the trees they were riding under.
Tonya smiled, “I don’t think we will have anything to worry about, too many of us. But we are in remote back country so you never know. Watch out for rattlesnakes while you are walking around. Also keep any eye out for buffalo, elk, and brown bears.”
The ride to the cow camp was roughly four hours; they arrived at a 1930’s homestead just before dinner. They unsaddled the horses that went immediately to the stream running at the edge of the homestead for a drink and to roll in the water to get the trail dust off. There was an old one story house and a large barn that the riders explored while the wranglers prepared their dinner of steak, fried potatoes and strong black coffee.
After eating, the conversation turned to where to sleep. One of the wranglers had told a story of how the owners of the homestead had been found murdered and that their ghosts still haunted the house. Many of the riders decided they would sleep in the barn after the frightening tale.
“Want to try the barn?” Starsky said, the wrangler’s story had spooked him.
“Why not the house?” Hutch asked, knowing very well why but he liked to get his partner going. “Let’s at least go check it out.”
“You go check it out I’m going to look in the barn.” Starsky said heading in that direction.
Before he got there a young woman came running out, “T-there’s frogs in there!”
“Frogs?” Starsky asked.
“Lots of them.” She cried as she headed toward the campfire.
When Hutch came out of the house he found Starsky sitting at the campfire. “What are you doing out here, I thought we were going to sleep in the barn.”
“I think I want to sleep out here, near the fire, it’s getting chilly.” Starsky said not telling Hutch the real reason. He didn’t want frogs jumping all over him while he slept…that was if he slept.
Tonya joined them at the fire, her work done for the evening. “You guys sleeping out under the stars?”
“Looks that way.” But Hutch didn’t elaborate.
“Best place to sleep,” Tonya looked up at the night sky; she could see the stars shining through a break in the trees. She got up, “Let me get some blankets for you.”
They all bedded down for the night, some in the house braving the ghost that never showed up, some in barn not carrying about frogs and the rest around the fire. Morning came early but everyone including Starsky had slept well.
Starsky stirred, he felt something tugging on his hair, “Hutch stop, I’m awake.”
“Did you call me?” Hutch asked, he was sipping a cup of coffee and carrying a second one.
Starsky turned to see what was tugging his hair, “Ahhh,” he exclaimed when he realized it was a horse chewing on his black curls. He jumped up as he wiped the slobber from his hair. He then wiped his hand on his jeans and took the coffee from Hutch.
Hutch nearly dropped the cup from laughing.
The wranglers rustled up breakfast in no time, bacon, scrambled eggs and skillet biscuits. After ever one was finished eating they saddled their horses and made the four hour trip back to the ranch.
Back at the barn, they dismounted, unsaddled the horses and gave them a good brush down. “Lunch is being served in the dining hall,” Dale announced.
“Shouldn’t we shower first?” Hutch asked looking down at his dirt caked clothes and he was sure they didn’t smell very good.
Dale laughed, “There are more of us than there are of them.”
They were heading to the car with their bags when Hutch asked, “Well did you like the Dude Ranch?”
Starsky smiled, “Yeah, but we aren’t home yet, and you know what could happen on a seventeen hour car ride?”
Hutch sighed and shook his head, “Oh Starsk!”
The end