BETRAYAL
                                                                                                               By
                                                                                                                  TOOKI

                                                          There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
                                                  Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
                                                  Before I say another word let me tell you I love you
                                             Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can
                                               There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
                                                          But that doesn't mean I love you less
                                            And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
                                              There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill
                                                            Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
                                                            Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
                                                            Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
                                                            Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules
                                           You mustn't think you've failed me just because there's someone else
                                                              You were the first real love I ever had
                                                   And all the things I ever said, I swear they still are true
                                                    For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you
                                                  I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
                                                   But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay


​​                                                                                                  -CHAPTER ONE-

​​
The thunder crashed over head just as they ducked into the apartment dripping wet. As he ran to get towels for both of them she stripped her soaking wet tank top off. Tiny rivers of rain water ran off the tips of her long hair and dripped onto the floor. There was another loud crash of thunder and the lights went out, not pitching the room in complete blackness for it was mid morning but grayness filled the room.
He hurried back with a towel for her, his slung about his neck. He stopped abruptly when he caught sight of her standing by the door in her sports bra and running shorts. Her hair plastered to her head and mascara making ringlets under her eyes. She was the most beautiful woman he knew.
He walked slowly towards her but instead of handing her the towel he pulled her into his arms. She was shorter than he so he had to look down into her warm hazel eyes that made him weak in the knees every time he looked into them. Moisture was standing in his curly dark hair and his t-shirt clung to him, he could feel the warmth of her skin as he held her close.
He bent forward to bring his lips to hers, she planted both hands on the wet shirt as if to push him away but then she grabbed handfuls of the material and pulled him to her. Their mouths crashed together like waves upon a shore.


Susan stood staring at her captain, Harold Dobey, her hands were on her hips, "I don’t understand why I can’t go with Hutch."
Dobey sighed, "I need you and Starsky to stay here and finish up this case. The conference is only three days I think Hutchinson can handle it on his own."
Susan gave him a perplexing look, "I know he can handle it that isn’t the point. We were going to kind of use this as a getaway weekend. When he wasn’t speaking we were…."
Dobey interrupted, "I’ll give you two a long weekend in the next month I promise." He hoped she would take the compromise as his head was starting to pound. He loved his three detectives but they could be trying at times.
"But Jesse is away this weekend."
Dobey narrowed his eyes and looked at her. This was not Susan’s usual demeanor; she was not a whiner or a complainer. "What’s going on?" He asked with concern.
"Nothing I just wanted to spend a little time with my husband that’s all."
Defeated Susan turned on her heel leaving her captain to stare at her retreating back. If the truth be known she wasn’t all that interested in going to the conference with Hutch, it would be long and boring with little free time for them to do anything together. Her greatest fear was to be left with Starsky. Jesse had gone with her nanny back east once again. Just like last time….
Last time, Susan leaned on the door letting her mind go back in time back to a tiny cabin in the mountains where she and Starsky had been trapped in a blizzard that had stranded hundreds of people. She had thought they were going to freeze to death and it was there that they had finally professed their love for each other. A love that had hung over them unspoken for years, nothing had happened that night and they had made a promise nothing would ever happen out of respect and love for Ken Hutchinson.
"Dobey give in?" The question was asked by her husband who had just finished typing his last report of the day. They would be heading home; he needed to pack so that he could be in San Diego first thing the next morning for a law informant conference. He was going to be one of the guest speakers on crime in Los Angeles. When she didn’t answer he poked her, "Susan."
She jumped being brought out of her thoughts; she felt her cheeks suddenly flush at being caught in forbidden memories. Susan put on a smile for Hutch, "No, you know how Dobey is." She shrugged as she opened the door.
"I guess you and Starsk will just have to keep each other company," Hutch said as they headed down the hall to the elevator.
Susan wondered just how naïve Hutch could be, or maybe it was trust or perhaps even denial. She knew that he was aware of the feelings between her and Starsky and yet he never balked at them being alone together. "I wish Jess was here we could have a girl’s weekend."
"There will be other weekends," Hutch assured her. I’ll be back late on Sunday."
She gave him a weak smile, today was only Thursday, why did this conference have to be three days and over a weekend? If it was during the week she and Starsky would be busy working with little time for anything else. But if they wrapped up the case they were working on Friday that would mean they would be free all weekend. She turned to Hutch. "If we finish the case tomorrow I could come up?"
"Honey you know how boring these things are." Hutch said giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Just relax and enjoy the weekend. You are always saying that you never have any time just to sit and read a book or enjoy the back yard. So kick back, sit in the back yard and read a good book."
That was exactly what Susan had been doing, reclining in her lounge chair reading The Beach House by Mary Alice Monroe when Starsky appeared in the back yard. He was dressed in shorts and his ever present tennis shoes.
She looked up to find him standing in front of her, her running shoes in his hands. He tossed them on the end of the lounge and grinned at her. "Let’s go run."
"I’m reading," She said as her eyes drifted down his long lean muscular body. Susan tried to focus back on her book but the words ran together.
"Oh come on," He sat down in the grass next to her.
She laid the book in her lap, Susan could never say no to him. How much trouble could they get in going for a morning run? "Oh alright!"
Starsky beamed at her. "Let’s go to the park, I have a picnic basket packed."
She hiked her eyebrows at him, "I thought you said we were running."
"Well we got to eat don’t we?"
Ok they would be in a public place, lots of people, she wondered if the same thoughts were running through Starsky’s head as he sat there next to her. He was examining the ground looking for a four leaf clover.
Suddenly he plucked a piece of clover from the ground and held it up triumphantly, "Found one! This is going to be our luck day!"
​

                                                                                 -CHAPTER TWO-

​​
Just as Susan had predicted they had finished the case on Friday and now here she was getting out of Starsky’s red Ford Torino at the park to go running and have lunch.
"Come on!" Starsky grabbed her hand as they started toward the path that was around the perimeter of the park. "Once around then we will have lunch."
"Then we will have to run off that lunch you packed," Susan teased forgetting her concerns. "That basket weights a ton."
Starsky laughed and winked at her. "Packed all your favorites."
"I know we are going to have to run off lunch."
Susan leaned against the car catching her breath as Starsky lugged the basket from the trunk. "Get the cooler uh?"
She obliged, grabbing the small cooler with their drinks and following him to a large tree where he was in the process of spreading out a blanket.
Susan sat the cooler down on the edge of the blanket to hold it down as the wind had started to pick up. Starsky began to unpack the basket, when he had all the food spread out Susan had to laugh, "Just who is going to eat all this?" She inquired.
She kicked her shoes off and sat as far from Starsky as she possibly could with out looking obvious. How could he just sit there munching on a cracker? Stop it! Susan thought to her self. This was an innocent picnic lunch between friends not some torrid love affair. Maybe he didn’t even think of her that way anymore. But in her heart she knew that wasn’t true. She had caught him looking at her when he thought she was occupied with something else.
He handed her a cracker and shoved the Brie toward her. "It should be warm now from the sun."
She shook her head and smiled at him. Letting her guard down she spread out on her stomach and smeared the melting cheese the cracker he had handed her. Thirsty she opened the cooler to find a bottle of wine and a couple of red plastic glasses. "We aren’t supposed to drink this in the park."
"Quiet!" he winked at her. "Nobody will know what we have in the cups."
"Breaking the law, shame on you," Susan gave him a fake frown as she handed him a cup.
After a half a glass Susan finally completely relaxed, she rolled over on her back and stared at the sky. Clouds were starting to form above their heads and she wondered if it was suppose to rain.
"What are you thinking so hard about," Starsky wanted to know as he studied her lying next to him. He had wondered why she was keeping her distance from him.
"Nothing, just wondering if it was going to rain," she pointed upward.
Starsky glanced up, "Naw I got my lucky clover, remember?"
Susan giggled as she held her cup up for more wine. "Are you trying to get me drunk mister?"
Starsky rolled his eyes as her filled her cup and topped off his. "Is that what I have to do to get you to spend time with me?" He questioned his blue eyes turning serious.
"Whata ya mean?" Susan said "I spend time with you every day."
"Roast beef on rye with hard boiled egg." Starsky held the sandwich out to her without answering her question.
"Yum, I haven’t had one of these in ages," Grinning Susan sat up and accepted the sandwich. Then she looked skyward again. "I think we had better hurry this up or we are going to get wet."
Starsky glanced up, "Hey I’m not going to melt are you?"
"I might," she answered giving him a mischievous grin.
Thirty minutes later they were starting to clean up when they heard the first rumble of thunder in the distance. By the time they had it all packed away the first drops of rain were beginning to fall and before they could get to the car the heavens opened up soaking them both to the bone. Starsky yanked up the lid of the trunk and tossed the basket inside along with the cooler then he ran around and jumped into the car.
They looked at each other and burst out laughing, they both looked like drown rats. Starsky pointed the car towards his apartment in the worsening storm.

​
They pulled apart and looked at each other breathless, without asking Starsky scooped Susan off her feet and carried her into his bedroom. Once there she peeled his wet t-shirt off and tossed it in the corner, she ran her hands up his chest until she held his face between her hands. She wanted to say something she wanted to tell him this wasn’t right and that they should stop but she couldn’t. Susan pulled his lips to hers and kissed him again. "I love you," She whispered. They removed the rest of their clothes and fell onto the bed devouring each other.
When the phone rang they were laying snuggled together half asleep, without forethought Starsky answered it. "Hello."
"Hey Starsk,"
It was Hutch, Starsky sat up as he did he nudged Susan. "Hey Hutch."
"I was wondering if you have heard from Susan. I have been trying to call her all day."
"Yeah sure, she is here."
Susan’s eyes widened in panic, her mouth fell open at Starsky’s omission. "What are you doing?" she mouthed at him.
"I went over this morning and dragged her out. We went to park for a run and a picnic." Starsky explained. "Then we got caught in a storm so we came back here it was closer. You want to talk to her?"
"Yeah I felt really awful about leaving she wanted to come so badly."
Starsky held the phone out to her. In a flash of panic Susan jumped out of bed dragging the sheet with her and wrapping it around her as she dashed to the living room phone. There was no way she was going to talk to Hutch while she was laying naked next to Starsky.
Starsky watched her go with an amused expression on his face. "Hold on she is just coming out of the bathroom." He said explaining the delay.
In the living room Susan wrapped the sheet tightly around her then took a deep breath and picked up the receiver. "Hi Hon, you having fun?"
"Oh yeah barrels, you know how boring these things are. How ya doing babe? I know you really wanted to come."
"Starsky is keeping me company," she said her face reddening.
"Good, no reason for you to be bored out of your mind too." Hutch said as he looked at the menu for room service. "I’m going to get something to eat I’ll call you later."
"If you don’t get me at the house call here," Susan said surprising herself. "We are going to get a pizza later and watch some TV. It’s still storming and you know how I am about storms."
Hutch smiled into the phone. "Just spend the night if it will make you feel better, with Jesse and Mrs. Gray gone you will be alone tonight."
"I might if it doesn’t let up. You have fun. I’ll talk to you later." Susan’s heart was thumping in her chest. All she wanted to do was to get dressed and run home. "You want to talk to Starsk again?"
"Sure."
Susan nodded to him as she gently hung up the phone and dashed into the bath room dropping the sheet out side the door.
​

                                                                                             -CHAPTER THREE-


After hanging up the phone Starsky knocked on the bathroom door then tried the doorknob. "Are you alright?" he question. There was no answer from the other side, just a muffled sob. "Open the door Susan."
Susan sat wrapped in a towel on the toilet she was holding her hand over her mouth trying to control the torrent of tears she was on the brink of spilling. At the sound of Starsky’s voice they started coursing down her face. None of this was fair not to her, not to Starsky and certainly not to Hutch. Before it had been simpler, easy to hide the feelings, burying them deep within her sole but now things were different.
"Open the door," Starsky repeated worriedly. "Susan?"
Slowly she reached over and unlocked the door. She clutched the towel tighter around her as he opened to door.
The distress she was in was evident on her face as knelt next to her. "What have we done?" She chocked out.
"He has no idea," Starsky said reaching out for her.
Susan pulled away, "That doesn’t matter, we know, I know. H-how can you be so, so calm about this. Hutch is your best friend, my husband we have betrayed him."
Starsky sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. "Have you any idea what I have lived with for all these years? Loving a woman that I can’t have and still having to be with her every day? Have her so much a part of my life without actually having her?" The words poured out of him painfully.
Susan dropped to her knees in front of him. "I never meant any of this to happen."
He looked into her eyes, "This isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault it just happened we fell in love."
"I love Hutch," She almost moaned, "but god help me I love you too." Tears were still flowing down her face; Starsky reached up and brushed them away. Then he pulled her into his arms. This time Susan allowed him too, she melted against his chest. She could hear his heart beating rapidly. Their mouths found each other again, they both knew this was merely making things worse but they only had each other to take comfort in.
Susan sipped a cup of coffee as she sat at Starsky’s dining table wrapped in his robe. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders she leaned her head against him. "Pizza will be here soon." He told her.
"How can he be so trusting," Susan asked.
"Hutch?"
She nodded. "He told me to spend the night here if I wanted.
"Maybe it was his way of giving us permission."
Susan turned and looked up at Starsky, "Don’t try to make this okay, it’s not okay."
"He’s not blind you know. He has to sense things when we are together. If he minded he wouldn’t be saying things like that. He would have taken you with him he would do anything to keep us apart but yet he is always doing things that seem to throw the two of us together."
"Did you ever think he was testing us?" she asked, "or maybe it’s just a case of pure trust. He doesn’t think we would do anything to hurt him. "
There was a knock at the door when Starsky went to answer it, Susan walked to the bedroom shed the robe and put on her damp clothes. Opting not to put on her wet socks she slipped her tennis shoes on her bare feet.
"What are you doing?"
Susan looked up Starsky was standing the bedroom door with the pizza they had ordered earlier. "I’m going home."
"The pizza just got here," Starsky said not really caring if they ate it or not he just didn’t want her to leave.
"I’m not hungry I need to get home."
"I’ll take you then."
She only shook her head, "I’ll call a cab."
"That is ridiculous when I can drive you."
"Starsky we both know that if you drive me you will end up coming in and this will just start all over. I need to be alone right now. I need to be at home when Hutch calls."
"He said he would call here."
"I want to be home when he calls." She repeated her eyes were filled with sorrow. "Please let me go."
Starsky nodded woodenly, "I’ll go call you a cab."

Hutch sat propped up on his bed watching TV waiting for his meal to arrive. He hadn’t really been surprised to find his wife at Starsky’s after all they were all best friends. But what had surprised him was the tone of their voices. Susan a little too cheery, Starsky a little too calm, he had felt his heart tighten as he had talked to both of them. Something had happened, something big.
He knew when they had been trapped in the cabin together nothing went on between them he could tell by the way they were acting but this time was different. Even the complete honesty about why Susan was there wasn’t enough to mask what had ultimately happened between them. Hutch was sure it had started out innocently, Starsky just wanting to make sure that Susan wasn’t lonely but it had progressed into much more.
Instincts told him to go home but what would he do when he got there? Confront them? Rage at them? Leave her? End his friendship with Starsky? None of those things were an option for him. For he had known for years they had much more than a friendship between them. He often wondered if he had known how deep it was if he would have asked Susan to marry him. If he thought he could do it he would step aside and let Starsky have her but damn it he loved her too so he was willing to look the other way. He didn’t want to lose his wife or his best friend. He knew them both well enough that they hadn’t planned for any of it to happen not even this definitive betrayal.
The bell boy knocked on the door when Hutch answered the young man wheeled in a cart with a silver domed covered plate. After Hutch tipped him the bell boy left Hutch to eat his dinner in solitude. Lifting the lid he looked at the dinner he had ordered and as he ate he didn’t even notice what he was eating it could have been cardboard for all he cared.
Hutch was thankful that his presentation was over. He had been scheduled for Sunday but a speaker had gotten delayed and he had been asked to switch days. At that time he had thought of going home but now he decided to stay he didn’t want it to look like he was running home to catch them.

When Susan got home she all but collapsed inside the front door. What had she done, how could she face Hutch when he came home. She wanted to tell him but she knew she couldn’t, presented with truth he would have to act. Susan knew that Starsky was right, Hutch did know, probably not about the acts of that day but of the love they had for each other. She dragged herself up stairs and into the shower, forcing the envelope of the temperature of the water. Susan stood under the steaming water until it was almost cold when she emerged her skin was redden from the heat of the water.
Although it was barely eight o’clock Susan climbed into bed her hair still wet and wrapped in a towel. She waited for Hutch to call; she hoped that he would try there first before he just assumed she was still at Starsky’s. She wondered just what Starsky would say; he was upset when she left. But she didn’t think he would do anything to worsen the situation.
Her eyes flew open; the light next to the bed was still on. Susan glanced at the clock, nearly midnight. She wasn’t sure what had woken her until she heard the doorbell. Susan sprung from the bed thinking that Hutch had come home early. She raced down the stairs and opened the door to find Starsky standing there looking defeated and disheveled.
"What are you doing here?" Susan asked suddenly aware that she was standing there in a skimpy nightgown having forgotten to throw on her robe.
"We need to talk." Starsky said as he started to step into the entrance hall.
"Not tonight," Susan said crossing her arms over her breasts. "What if Hutch happens to come home?
"He would call."
"You think so after that conversation he had this afternoon with the two of us. If we didn’t sound like we were up to something I don’t know what would." Susan said hoping that he would leave. She wasn’t sure she could resist if he pressed her to stay.
"I just want to talk."
"Lately talking hasn’t worked for us." She said thinking of their two love making sessions. There was no way they were having a repeat performance in Hutch’s home.
"Do you really think I came here to make love to you?" Starsky was suddenly angry. "You can’t really believe I am that uncaring to Hutch’s feelings." His words sounded ludicrous considering what had gone on earlier in the day.
"If you or I cared about Hutch’s feelings we wouldn’t even need to be having this conversation." Susan tossed the words at him. Starsky’s face fell, she had achieved what she wanted, to hurt him in hopes that he would leave. It worked he turned to go but she called out to him. "Wait!"
Susan ran up stairs pulled on a pair of jeans and yanked a t-shirt over her head. Slipping sandals on her feet she went back down stairs. She opened the front door, she felt panic rise for Starsky wasn’t standing there. She ran out on to the side walk to find him leaning on his car in the drive way.
"I’m sorry," She whispered in the darkness when she got close. "I shouldn’t have said that."
Starsky shrugged, "but you are right if we cared about him we wouldn’t have…" He left the sentence hanging.
Susan leaned on the car next to him, she looked up at the clear moonless sky it was nearly pitch black save the street lights and a few bulbs that burned on people’s front porches. "Now what?"
​

                                                                                   
                                                                                    ​  -CHAPTER FOUR-
​
​
"Let’s go for a drive." Starsky suggested as he opened the passenger side door for her.
Susan’s brow furrowed, "Hutch call?
"No."
"He hasn’t called here either. What if he calls? It is after midnight." She said. Susan felt her chest tighten, what were they doing? Sneaking about, worrying about getting caught. Hutch would be back that coming afternoon then what?
"Do you really think he would call this late?"
"I don’t know what to think anymore and I don’t like where this is going. I’m not going to sneak around with you David Starsky."
He slammed the car door and turned to look at her his face full of anger. "I guess this was just a one night stand for you. Something you finally got out of your system." He yelled at her.
"Shhhh, will you? It’s the middle of the night you are going to wake the whole neighborhood."
"And what, they are going to tell Hutch, it’s not like I’m not here all the time anyway?" Starsky lowered his voice. "Did you ever stop to think of why I spend so much time here? Yeah Hutch is my best friend but I’m here just to be close to you. This isn’t just a one time thing for me, you are my whole life but you have somebody, you have Hutch you don’t need me. I have tried to date, tried to forget you, I can’t," he eyes filled with tears.
Susan put her hand over his, he was trembling. "So what do you want me to do leave Hutch? Ruin Jesse’s life? What? You know if I didn’t love Hutch it would be much easier I would just pack my bags but he is my life and you know that."
"And me what am I?" Starsky looked at her in the darkness.
"You are someone very special to me." Susan said in a broken voice. "And I couldn’t image my life with out you either. You are important to us, to me."
"So I guess we will just go back to the way it was, keeping our distance from each other, pretending to be just friends."
There were tears standing in Susan’s eyes now, "But it’s going to be different now, we aren’t just friends anymore." Impulsively she threw her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. Slowly his arms came around her holding her tightly. "I love you," her voice was muffled as she spoke into his shirt.
He pushed her away from him and lifted her chin with one finger so that he could see her face. "I love you and I always will. He gently kissed her mouth.

Hutch restlessly tossed and turned in the bed that was not his own. The dreams he was having were on the brink of nightmares. Him coming home to find Susan gone, he would look in her closet to find all her stuff gone. He sat up in a cold sweat and looked around the room. All he wanted to do was pack his bag and head home. It was nearly midnight he hadn’t called Susan. He played with the idea but he didn’t think he could bare the idea of her being at Starsky’s even if he though told her to stay.
Maybe he was way off base, maybe he was just imaging what he heard in their voices but he didn’t really think so. After they had survived the blizzard he noticed they kept their distance from each other. Although the snow globe that suddenly appeared on their mantel hadn’t escape his attention. But after time things seemed to go back to normal they didn’t look nervous when they would accidentally touch each other, they were laughing again, and the tension fell away. Hutch had to wonder what it would be like now, if the worst had happened.
The biggest question in his mind was what now, what was he doing to do about it. The answer was simple…nothing. He loved them both and didn’t want to lose either of them. If it came right down to it he would let her go in order to hold them both. Hutch came to the decision that he would leave first thing in the morning.
Hutch opened the front door and stepped in he sat his suitcase just inside the door. Susan’s car sat in the drive way but that meant little. He wondered if she were home. Hutch started to call, but in the end he didn’t. He didn’t really want to catch them but he knew that was in the back of his mind. Hutch looked around the house not sure what he was looking for, perhaps to see if things seemed different but nothing was out of place, nothing had changed except for perhaps their lives.
He proceeded through the house toward the patio, something drew him there. That was where he found her, down on her hands and knees pulling weeds from between the flowers she always so lovingly planted. She was wearing a lime green tank top and jean shorts her feet were bare, the bottoms dirty. Hutch wanted to rush to her, pull her into his arms and never let her go, but he didn’t he just stood in the door way and watched her.
Feeling eyes on her back, Susan turned her head half expecting to see Starsky standing there. He had left last night with out the drive and with out her. "Hutch!" She exclaimed jumping to her feet and brushing the dirt from her hands. "You are home early." The pleasure was evident in her voice. He had to smile even though he could feel his heart breaking at the thought their time together could come to an end.
Hutch stepped out into the yard, "I give my presentation yesterday so I thought I would just come home early. "
"Want some breakfast?" She asked wiping her hands on the back of her shorts.
He shook his head no then sat down in the lounge chair she had been setting in only the day before reading. "I ate before I left, I’ll just sit here and watch you."
"That sounds thrilling," she laughed as she sat down on end of the lounge.
"I like to watch you." Hutch smiled at her. She leaned forward to give him a kiss which he willing accepted. "You and Starsky have fun yesterday," He asked lightly as he grasp her hand and held it.
"If you call getting soak to the bone fun." She laughed softly and then took a deep breath as if she were going to tell him something important but instead she said, "You should have seen the food he had packed up, we could have fed an army."
"You know Starsk he never does anything half way." They were dancing around neither of them wanting to talk about what was on their minds. If they did then something would have to be decided something would have to be done.
"Mrs. Gray called this morning she and Jesse are going to stay a couple of extra days at her daughters some kind of festival Jesse is just dying to go too. I told her it was okay." Hutch just nodded. "Why don’t we go for a drive or something since you are home so early? I don’t know if I could come up with a feast like Starsky did but I’m sure I could through something together for a picnic.
"Leftovers" Hutch thought to himself. "Sure," He said with much enthusiasm.
Noticing the tone in his voice, she got up from the chair. "Naw did that yesterday, let’s do something different."
"Sure," Hutch said. "Let me go shower and change."
Susan could have kicked herself for suggesting a picnic. She went in to wash her hands, the phone rang. Immediately she picked up the receiver, "Hello."
"Morning beautiful."
"Starsky he’s home, just got here." Susan said into the phone.
"Oh," came the reply.
"I’ll see you tomorrow morning," Susan hung up.
Taking a deep breath she headed up stairs, Hutch was just coming out of the shower, "Did I hear the phone ring?"
"It was Starsky I told him we were going out since you got home early." Susan said nonchalantly as she pulled out a fresh pair of shorts to change into.
"Why don’t you see if he wants to come over and we’ll put some steaks on the grill this afternoon?"
She was glad that she had her back to her husband or her face would have betrayed her. In seconds she composed herself and turned to look at Hutch. "You sure? I thought we could spend the day doing something."
He smiled at her. "I’m kind of tired of being away from home I would just like to kick back relax."
"Okay if that’s what you want, why don’t you give him a call and I’ll run to the store to pick up some things." Susan suggested. She wasn’t sure she could make the call herself.
Susan was mulling over the steaks in the meat department when she felt some body step up next to her. She glanced sideways to see Starsky, a couple of cases of beer in his cart standing there. "Are you okay with this?" Starsky asked.
"I have to be don’t I?" Susan asked, "What am I suppose to say, no I don’t want Starsky over because…."
"I could come up with an excuse you know. I already had plans something."
"It’s okay if you can deal so can I."
"Do you think he knows?" Starsky wanted to know.
"What do you think? Just how well do we know each other? Hell we just about finish each other sentences half the time. Yeah I think he knows." Susan answered truthfully. "What he is going to do is only up to him. Starsk if he asks I’m not going to lie. I’m going to ask him to forgive me and tell him it will never happen again." She looked in to his blue eyes as she said it.
Starsky nodded numbly. "I better check out and get over there."
The afternoon went by, at first tensely then more relaxed as the beers started to disappear from the refrigerator. Starsky and Susan were careful not to look at each other keeping their attention focused on Hutch asking about the conference and how his presentation had gone.
As darkness began to fall Starsky made his goodbye’s leaving Susan and Hutch together. He was once again stretched out in the lounge, he held out his arms to Susan who gladly joined him. "Nice night."
"Yeah," she agreed snuggling next to him. "I’m glad you came home early."
"Me too."
"I love you, you know that don’t you." Susan asked Hutch.
"I love you too."
"I just want you to know I’m in this for the long haul," Susan held her breath to see what his reply would be.
"Me too."
She left out the breath she had been holding in most of the day, she reached up and kissed Hutch. He returned the kiss, knowing he could do this. If she was willing then so was he. Hutch couldn’t help but wonder where Starsky fell in all of this.

​​
                                                                                            -CHAPTER FIVE-

​​
Three weeks later the world came crashing down on top of Susan and then onto Stasrky. After spending three days in bed sick she decided that she needed to see a doctor. Susan was dressed and sitting in front of the doctor’s desk when the man entered the room.
Dr. Winston sat down at his desk he said as a smile across his face. "Well my dear you and Ken have finally managed it."
"What’s that," Susan asked unsure of what he was talking about.
"You are about three weeks pregnant."
Susan sat stunned into silence; this would have been wonderful news if it hadn’t come now. She closed her eyes; three weeks ago Hutch had been out of town she had been with Starsky. "Are you sure I’m three weeks along?"
"Give or take, pretty sure." He grinned at her. He was a little curious by his patient’s reaction. The Hutchinson’s had been trying for a baby off and on for several years.
Hutch and Starsky were just coming from Dobey’s office when Susan entered the squad room. Hutch went to her side immediately, "What did the doctor say?"
"I’m fine," Susan answered; she wanted to talk to Starsky before she sprung the news on Hutch.
"What is it? You don’t look so good." He guided her toward a chair at their desks.
"I’m okay really." Susan smiled at him. "But I think I’m going to spend the rest of the day at home. You don’t think Dobey would mind do you?"
"I’ll take care of Dobey hon you go on home. You can tell what the doctor said then." He kissed her quickly and walked her to the door. Before she went out she made eye contact with Starsky and she hoped that he understood that she needed to talk to him.
Susan took the elevator down to the first floor and waited in the lobby of the station house. With in five minutes the doors slid open and Starsky stepped out. "What’s wrong," He asked as he took her elbow and guided her out of the building.
"Let’s walk," she said and started down the side walk.
Starsky fell in beside her. "Susan what’s going on, you aren’t sick are you?"
She looked up at him and gave him a ruthful smile. "No I’m not sick, I’m pregnant."
He stopped and grabbed Susan giving her a big hug, "That is wonderful you and Hutch have been trying for so long." He was overjoyed for his friends.
"No, no you don’t get it Starsk. I’m three weeks pregnant."
"So what’s wrong with…" he stopped his mouth fell open he understood what she was getting at.
"You mean it’s mine?" The color drained from his face.
"I’m not sure, that Sunday night Hutch and I well…" she hesitated, "There is a fifty fifty chance."
"Christ," Starsky rubbed his face with his hands.
"What are you going to do?" Starsky asked.
"That is why I wanted to talk to you first." She said as she continued walking down the street. "I don’t want to do anything. I want to have this baby and I don’t want to know." She looked at him to see his reaction. "Can you live with that?"
Starsky walked silently thinking. He was elated at the fact he could be a father but he was also devastated it was with the wife of his best friend.
"I’ve been though all the scenarios," Susan said breaking the heavy silence. "We could have a paternity test or we can do nothing. We can break Hutch’s heart or we can have both of you in the baby’s life. I’m leaving it up to you."
"Y-you can’t do that," Starsky said in a panicked voice. "That’s not fair."
"Fair or not that is the way it’s going to be." She said taking his hand. "I want you to make this decision. There is a third choice too, have the paternity test and if it’s yours still say nothing. But I think that will make it harder on both of us."
Starsky stared at her incredulously, "That is no choice, none of them are choices."
"All of them are choices you just have to choose the right one."
"It sounds like you have already made up your mind." He said frowning at her. "Why are you asking me to make this choice?"
"Because you should have a say you have a stake in this too."
"Damn it why did you even have to tell me?" He asked, "You know it hadn’t even crossed my mind that it could have been mine I was just so happy for you and Hutch."
"Are you telling me that after a while you wouldn’t start wondering?" She hiked her eye brow at him.
He shrugged. "Yeah probably, hell I don’t know."
"There is a fourth option."
"What is that?"
"I don’t have to keep the baby."
He looked at her horrified, "I would rather never know than have you do that. You don’t want to do that do you?"
"No, not after all this time trying I don’t."
He sighed with relief, "I guess I don’t have time to really think about this do I?"
"Well you have until you guys get off work." Susan answered. "I expect a call before Hutch gets home. I have to know what to tell him."
Susan sat by the phone waiting for the phone to ring waiting for Starsky’s answer. But as the rest of the day drug on and no call came she began to panic wondering what was going through Starsky’s mind. She played with Jesse for a while and helped Mrs. Gray decide what to make for dinner.
It was nearly six p.m. when the front door opened, Jesse let out a squeal and the women knew that Hutch was home. The eight year old leaped into her father’s arms delighted to see him. "Hey Jesse," he ruffled her long dark hair. Then he gave Susan a smile that was full of concern instead of joy. He set Jesse on her feet and told her to go help Mrs. Gray get dinner on the table then he motioned for Susan to follow him into the living room.
"How was your day?" She asked sitting on the couch and picking at loose thread on the couch cushion.
"Are you alright?" he asked with out answering her question. He sat down beside her.
Smiling at him she answered, "I’m fine, I-I’m ah I just have a virus." She looked down at her hands nervously. She hated lying to Hutch but she needed Starsky’s answer first. "Nothing to worry about, the doctor said I’m as good as over it."
Hutch knitted his brow as looked at her closely. "I’m just worried about you, you haven’t been yourself lately."
"I guess I haven’t been feeling good for a while you know how I am about admitting that I need to go to the doctor or even taking a break." She looked into his eyes and wondered if he knew she was lying to him.
Hutch sighed in relief; he had been so worried about her for the last few weeks. "Tell you what why don’t you and I take a break. We’ll go some where for the weekend. Cap owes you after all."
Susan force what she hoped was a happy looking smile on her face, "That is a wonderful idea where to?"
"You pick, anywhere you want." Hutch grinned at her.
Susan thought for a moment the said, "How about Carmel? I really would like to spend some time on the beach."
"Carmel it is then I’ll make the arrangements tomorrow." Hutch said, "I’ll see if we can get Friday off and we’ll make it a three day weekend. How does that sound."
"Wonderful!" And it did, the idea suddenly appealed to her. Maybe getting away from everything would be just what she needed to clear her head and decide what to do since it had seemed like Starsky had run out on her.
The next morning when Susan and Hutch arrived at work Starsky was no where to be seen. A feeling of dread descended on her; maybe this was just too much for Starsky to handle. She cursed herself for even telling him. Why hadn’t she just waited for a few more weeks? Fudge how pregnant she was, after all it wasn’t an exact science.
"Wonder where Starsk is?" Hutch said noticing that their partner was missing. "Maybe he came down with what you had."
Yeah right, Susan thought to her self, Not possible.
"I’m going to give him a call," Hutch said as he sat down at his desk and picked up the phone.
Susan wanted to tell him not to. She needed to be the one talking to him; she was the one that dropped a bomb shell in Starsky’ lap. How fair was it to Starsky if she was carrying his child and not Hutch’s it wasn’t fair to either of the men in her life. She wanted to come clean with Hutch just tell the whole story beginning with what happened after the picnic. But she didn’t know where to start.
When the phone began ringing Starsky knew that it was Hutch calling from the station to see why he hadn’t come in to work. He rolled over in bed and covered his head with a pillow. He hadn’t called Susan like she had asked him to do. When he and Hutch had gotten off work the night before he had gone straight home and climbed into bed. He didn’t know what to think or to feel. He didn’t know what to tell Susan. He might be a father; the thoughts had whirled around in his head until it hurt. If this child was his, didn’t he have the right to claim it? He knew that answer to that, it might be his right but was it the right thing to do. He was torn with indecision and he didn’t know what to tell Susan.
Starsky jumped out of bed and pulled a backpack from the closet. He began jamming clothes into bag then went to the bath room and grabbed a few essentials tossing them in he zipped the pack and with out looking back left his apartment jumped in to his car and sped off.
"Ok, I’m officially worried." Hutch said after the fifth try to get his friend.
"Why don’t you go over there, "Susan suggested. She knew she probably was the one that should be going but she couldn’t say that to Hutch.
"Hold down the fort," He winked at her.
"Sure," Once Hutch had left the squad room she slumped down in her chair. Susan did everything she could to hold back the tears that wanted to spill down her cheeks. Where was Starsky? She prayed a silent prayer that he was just hold up in his apartment thinking or hiding. She wondered if Hutch found him there what Starsky would tell him, at this point she didn’t care. Maybe she should be the one to leave. She could take Jesse and go back east for awhile that was where she had escaped to once. This was just all too much.
"Starsky?" Hutch pounded on his apartment door. The car wasn’t out front but he still thought he would take the chance that he was in there. When he didn’t get answer Hutch opened the door with the key Starsky had given him long ago. The apartment was dark, Hutch opened the curtains allowing light to enter the living room. "Starsky you here?" He called.
When Hutch walked in to the bedroom his concern escalated, he could tell by the disarray of clothes lying around that Starsky had hurriedly packed a bag and was gone. Hutch took a deep breath as he looked around. "What the hell is going on?" he ask out loud. He had a feeling that the answer lay with Susan.
​

                                                                                   -CHAPTER SIX-


When Susan received the news of Starsky’s disappearance she knew it was her fault. Where would he have gone, normally when things were bothering him he came to them to sort out his problems but that wasn’t possible this time.
"I’m going to put out an APB on him, "Hutch said picking up the phone.
Susan placed her hand over his, "Don’t, he will be back."
Hutch looked at Susan, "What’s going on?"
"Do you really want to know?" Susan asked looking him square in the eye.
After a few moments Hutch shook his head, "I think its better that I don’t. If you think he’s okay then I’ll let it go for now. Starsky being alright is all I care about at the moment."
"I’m sure he will be fine and be back in a few days," Susan said as she said a silent prayer to herself that she was right.
The rest of the day drug on, every time the phone would ring they would both jump thinking that it was Starsky calling. But they didn’t hear from him that day nor the next. They tried to carry on the best they could.
It was nearing the end of the second day when the phone rang. Hutch picked it up. "Hutchinson.
"Ken?" said the voice on the other end.
"Yes who is this?"
"Dr. Winston."
"Is everything alright?" Hutch asked concerned. He was still worried about Susan even though she said she was feeling fine she didn’t look it. And he had noticed that she had been eating very little.
"I just wanted to let Susan know that her blood work came out fine. Congratulations by the way." The doctor smiled into the phone not thinking for a moment that Susan hadn’t told her husband about the baby.
Hutch furrowed his brow, "On what?"
"Well the baby of course." Winston answered.
Hutch was caught off guard for a moment then he managed to get out. "Thank you doctor, I’ll tell Susan."
"Please also tell her that she needs to call the office to make another appointment in a couple of weeks unless she is feeling ill."
Hutch sat stunned by the news, he slowly hung up the phone. Susan was pregnant, why hadn’t she told him? Suddenly everything started to fall into place. The way both she and Starsky had acted the day she came from the doctor, her not feeling well, and Starsky taking off. Hutch took a deep breath. This couldn’t be happening.
"Are you okay?" Susan asked as she tried to get Hutch’s attention.
"Yeah sure," Hutch said looking up at her. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hug her or throttle her. The relationship between the three of them was unusual at best and now he was hit with the fact that she might be carrying Starsky’s baby and not his. "Your doctor called."
"What?"
"He said that you need to call for an appointment in a few weeks." Hutch said staring at his hands to avoid her eyes. He was afraid that if he looked at her she would know that he knew.
"What else did he say?"
"Just that your blood work is ok, I guess that is good." Hutch said as he got up. "I’ll be back in a while."
Susan followed Hutch with her eyes as he left the squad room. She wondered if that was all the doctor said to him. Things were getting more complicated as time went on. She wished that Starsky would come back they needed to talk.
Starsky had driven until he couldn’t drive anymore, then he pulled over and got a room for the night. He had no idea where he even was, he didn’t care. After checking in he grabbed a bag of chips and a drink from the vending machines in the stair well and went to his room.
He had to decide what to do. He wondered if he could live with the fact of never knowing if the baby Susan carried was his or Hutch’s. What if the baby looked like him then it would be clear to everybody. He felt as if he were having a panic attack, his breathing had speeded up as well has his pulse. Something like that would destroy them all. Even if they could deal with it everybody else would know. He had no answers. He wanted his child, he wanted Susan and he wanted Hutch’s friendship. Starsky wondered if their friendship was strong enough to withstand all of this.
Two days later when Starsky stepped out of the motel room he looked haggard but he had come to his final decision. They would say nothing at least for now. Only time would tell, nine months to be exact what he and Susan would have to reveal.
On the third night of Starsky being gone there was a knock on the Hutchinson’s door, Susan who had just happened to be walking by opened it. Starsky stood there, unshaven, his hair tousled and clothes that looked like they had been slept in. Susan’s mouth dropped open and she threw her arms around his neck not caring if Hutch saw them or not. "Where have you been," She whispered.
"I just needed some time." He said in a hushed ton. His eyes said all that she needed to know. "Hutch here?"
She just nodded, and then she turned from him. "Hutch! Look who is back."
Hutch came from the kitchen carrying a bowl of popcorn. "Starsky, where they hell ya been buddy? Come on in and sit down."
"I…ah…" Starsky looked at Susan.
She pulled him into the living room. "I’ll get you a beer you look like you could use it."
Hutch looked at his friend but didn’t comment on his condition. Hutch had also made his own decision. He loved his wife and daughter, he loved his best friend and he loved his life the way it was. He knew he could love this baby no matter how it was conceived. When Susan was ready to tell him she was pregnant she would and he would act surprised and be overjoyed with the news.
Susan came in carrying a beer which she handed Starsky, he smiled at her gratefully and sat down in the over stuff chair. Susan sat next to Hutch on the couch. Hutch started to hand the bowl to Starsky but he was sound asleep his head resting on the back of the chair. Carefully Susan slipped the bottle out of his hand so that he wouldn’t drop it.
"Everything is okay," Hutch said as he smiled at Starsky then his wife.
Susan got the feeling that Hutch knew far more than either she or Starsky realized but if Hutch was fine with it then so was she. In a few weeks she would tell Hutch she was pregnant and life would go on as they knew it or at least she hoped so.

The end